Nine days into this challenge, and I’m learning that discipline doesn’t always mean perfection. Sometimes, it’s just about staying on track even when the snacks call your name.
For whatever reason, this week my diet has been fairly poor, particularly with a lot of snacking. I don’t know if it’s a combination of regular exercise and the after-effects of the weekend beers, but it seems my appetite has increased a little.
In the past, I’ve typically snacked through boredom, but this week I’ve been keeping busy, so I’m going to attribute it to the increase in my activity levels.
With my birthday weekend coming up, I’m not going to stress too much about diet over the next few days, but after that last slice of birthday cake has been eaten – my diet is getting a kick up the backside!
I did make some progress with payments towards my debt, managing to pay off another £250 after getting paid for a freelance side hustle that ended last week.
Tomorrow, I get my first full salary from my new role, and it’s going straight towards aggressively tackling my debt.
Metrics
Steps: 10,845
Garmin Stress Score: 21
Mental Health Rating: 6/10
Remaining Debt: £42,022.30 (-£250 down on yesterday)
Food Log
Breakfast: Weetabix, milk, orange juice
Lunch: Scrambled eggs, sourdough toast
Dinner: Vegetable paella
Snacks: Homemade raspberry jam on toast, mini chocolate buttons, kiwi, popcorn
Progress isn’t perfect, and it’s rarely linear, but I’m still moving forward – and that’s what matters most.
The view from ‘The Mountain Ahead‘ on Day 9 – although saying that, there wasn’t much of a view today!
Day 8 marked a full week since I began my 365-day challenge and, in truth, it was a fairly uneventful day.
On the positives: I worked, I ran, I reflected. On the negatives: I could have eaten better, I had an unproductive evening, and I didn’t read before bed – a habit I’d hoped to build some momentum with after yesterday.
The most notable thing about Day 8 was my trip to the Post Office, not to post eBay orders this time, but to cash in some coins I’d counted a few days earlier.
Years ago, I was gifted a money box, and surprisingly, I actually stuck with paying into it. After every haircut, I’d drop my change inside, and over the weekend, I finally cracked it open to count how much I’d saved.
I was expecting maybe £50 or £60, but to my surprise, I’d managed to save a total of £168. To say that was a pleasant surprise would be an understatement .It’s a nice reminder that small change, saved over time, can lead to steady progress – both financially and personally.
I would have liked to use the money as an “adventure fund,” as the side of the money box suggested, but needs must, and this will be going straight toward paying off my debts.
A nice £168 surprise! Very satisfying to smash too!
Snacks: Banana, apple, graze flapjack, chocolate choux bun
Not every day will be perfect, but there are always small wins to take. What’s most promising after this first week is how manageable my mental health has felt. That alone feels like progress.
After my successful day of posting eBay orders, today I received my funds. After fees, it was nearly £500 into my account! I was actually incredibly excited to put this towards my mammoth debt figure straight away, and in doing so, I managed to fully clear off my PayPal Credit! Granted, it was, by far, the smallest debt I had left, but it feels like a big step in the right direction.
The rest of the cash was used to bring my American Express and NatWest credit cards back under their limits. Having these both over their limits had been stressing me for weeks and I was doing all I could to bring them down, so it’s a weight off my shoulders to have these at a slightly more manageable level.
My excitement about paying things off was a little short-lived when I got the final figure of what I owed a family member.
I’d had a rough idea of how much I owed and was trying to overestimate, however the figure actually turned out to be just under £300 more than what I’d expected. It’s not a crazy figure by any means, but it did dampen my mood a little.
The tiredness from the weekend was still lingering on Day 7, and on reflection, I think part of the reason was my poor bedtime routine.
Years ago, I would read before going to bed at a reasonable time. Granted, that’s not the answer to all of my tiredness problems, but it’s a far sight better than my current routine of scrolling Instagram on my phone for 20 minutes before turning Netflix on to play in the background whilst I doze off.
Today I decided to change this bad habit and actually read before bed! The book I’ve chosen is The Travelling Cat Chronicles by Hiro Arikawa. I bought this from Shakespeare and Company when on vacation in Paris, for no other reason than I thought it was a cool title for a book! Well, today – nearly two and a half years later – I finally decided to give it a read
The Travelling Cat Chronicles, complete with stamp and bookmark from Shakespeare and Company!
I do love reading but it’s something I’ve really neglected these past few years. Here’s hoping this will be the start of many books!
Metrics
Steps: 10,084 (Phone tracked)
Garmin Stress Score: 18
Mental Health Rating: 6/10
Remaining Debt: £42,272.30 (-£194.58 down on yesterday)
Food Log
Breakfast: Weetabix, milk, orange juice
Lunch: Plant-based chicken sandwich, small portion of leftover quorn curry
Day 6 rolled around and with it, the first Monday of my 365 day challenge.
Despite a decent sleep the night before, I actually felt more tired than I had the previous day when I was nursing a hangover. This tiredness crept into my work and I felt wholly unproductive throughout the morning.
Thankfully, this tiredness seemed to pass by lunchtime and I was a little more productive, getting through a fair bit of work and going to the post office to post a bag full of items I’d sold on eBay the previous day.
As I’ve mentioned previously, the vast majority of my debt has come from my compulsive spending disorder, so on a positive note, I do have some physical assets to sell, albeit not quite worth the crazy amounts of money I’ve spent.
A lot of this stuff is already listed on eBay and has been for a while, but I decided to list a fair few things as auctions to try and get them shifted. It worked for some, and I ended up selling 13 items! I should have the funds for these tomorrow, so check back tomorrow to see how much I made!
A busy day at the Modern Day Caveman postal office!
In further good news, I stepped on the scales for the first time in a few weeks and I weighed in at 105.4kg, a 1.8kg loss on the last time I weighed myself 3 weeks ago! This brings my BMI down to 29.8, down from 30.3, technically now classing me just as overweight and not ‘obese’.
In all honesty, there’s not a specific weight or numerical target I’m aiming for, my end goal is just to feel happy and confident in my own skin. Hopefully this consistent exercise and healthy eating can help get me there in the weeks and months to come – although my diet could still do with some improvement, if the past few days are anything to go by!
The biggest positive of the day, though, was finally fixing something I messed up back on Day 2. If you remember, that was a rough mental health day, and in a moment of stupidity, I ended up bidding £501 on an item on eBay.
It was one of those impulsive decisions – a mix of timing, seeing the notification pop up, and convincing myself I’d found a bargain because the item was worth almost double. Deep down, I knew it was just another excuse. I was fully aware of what I was doing.
Anyway, I actually won the auction, and the item had been sitting in my basket for the last four days, waiting for me to check out. Today, I made the decision to cancel the order and message the seller to explain I wouldn’t be completing the purchase.
It’s a small win, but a meaningful one. I know I made the right decision for myself and my future, even if there’s still a bit of guilt about having ended up in that position in the first place.
Metrics
Steps: 9,063 (Phone tracked)
Garmin Stress Score: 28 (Skewed – not enough time measured)
Mental Health Rating: 7/10
Remaining Debt: £42,466.88 (-£63 down on yesterday)
Food Log
Breakfast: Weetabix, milk, orange juice
Lunch: Plant-based chicken baguette, crisps
Dinner: Quorn curry, rice, poppadoms
Snacks: Banana, kiwi, graze flapjack, popcorn
Another page written, another step in the right direction. It won’t all be smooth sailing, but today I made choices that moved me forward instead of back.
The view from ‘The Mountain Ahead‘ on Day 6. The clocks went back over the weekend, so a headtorch was needed!
Well after a boozy evening on Day 4, I unfortunately spent much of Day 5 nursing a bit of a hangover. All self-inflicted of course!
So, the majority of my Sunday morning was spent hoping my headache would pass. It didn’t, so I dragged myself out of bed and up ‘The Mountain Ahead’ into the wind and rain. This actually did the trick and 40 minutes into the walk, my throbbing headache had passed.
Frustratingly, I’d broken my watch strap the night before, so I wasn’t able to accurately record my steps and data throughout the day. I have a replacement coming, but still, rather annoying!
It would have been very easy to avoid leaving the house and lounge round all day, but the fresh air evidently did me good and set me up for a fairly productive rest of the day.
When I got back, I caught up with my daily blogging entry for Day 4. At the moment, I’m writing this retroactively, reflecting on the events of the day before. I’m finding that doing it this way gets me to be much more thoughtful on the previous day, taking note of the emotions I felt throughout the day and it’s been really beneficial.
The most productive thing I did yesterday however, was create a fantastic, dynamic spreadsheet documenting all of my payments against my debts and their outstanding balances. It actually gives a brilliant overview of what I owe and I can already tell how motivating a tool it is going to be in encouraging me to chip away at the debt.
In fact, I’ve actually made some payments over the last week and already, I’ve managed to bring my debt down by nearly £1,500! I sold some cryptocurrency I’d invested in a fair few years back and also moved funds from a few successful eBay sales.
This feels like a brilliant step in the right direction and with my first payday of my new job on the horizon on Friday, it feels like we are making great progress.
Progress was not made on the diet front, however, as you’ll see from the food log, there was a lot of processed, unhealthy foods, in particular an ENTIRE tub of caramel ice cream. Of course, the hangover is to blame there but as long as it doesn’t become a regular occurrence, I’ll forgive myself this time!
Metrics
Steps: 13,004 (Phone tracked)
Garmin Stress Score: 84 (Likely skewed)
Mental Health Rating: 6/10
Remaining Debt: £42,529.88 (-£1,453.82 down on last week!)
Food Log
Breakfast: Plant-based sausage baguette
Lunch: Greggs vegetable bake, crisps
Dinner: Vegetable curry, Indian snacks, potato wedges
Snacks: Toast, tub of caramel ice cream
A typical hungover day for me looks like junk food, video games, and very little productivity. Today we had the junk food and a little bit of video gaming, but we had a fair amount of productivity, so whilst today might not have been the most perfect page, it’s one that’s moving the story forward.
Day 4 was an interesting day by all accounts. Firstly, it was a Saturday, meaning no ‘day job’ work, however I did have some freelance work which I’d scheduled to do.
A few months back, when I’d just returned from travelling and was job hunting, I picked up a freelance sales role, working a few hours a week.
I had planned to keep this up alongside my day job, however when I logged in, I saw an email saying that the company no longer needed my services.
My immediate reaction to the news was frustration and anger. Not only did I think this was a little unfair, but my ego took a knock too. In the heat of the moment, I was tempted to send a sassy response, but I paused, gathered my thoughts and remained professional.
On reflection, it’s not the worst thing in the world. A little disappointing yes and of course I will miss the extra, much needed income, but ultimately it’s just business at the end of the day. On a positive note, this will hopefully clear up some headspace and allow me more time to focus on other areas.
Work aside, I did another run to The Mountain Ahead and felt physically in a good condition. In fact, I managed to improve my time from the last time I ran it by over 3 minutes! Granted I’m still a way off running it without walking some of the steeper sections, but it’s a nice show of progress.
The view from ‘The Mountain Ahead’ on Day 4
In the evening, I met up with friends for some drinks and to watch the football. What was supposed to be a few pints ended up turning into quite a few pints, but I’d allowed myself Saturday night as a reward for some good progress in the week.
I was actually quite apprehensive about meeting up with friends – on the journey to meet them I had a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. As usual, this disappeared in an instant when I met them. From what I’ve experienced with anxiety, the thought and apprehension of the thing, is always worse than doing the actual thing itself.
Metrics
Steps: 12,510
Garmin Stress Score: 49
Mental Health Rating: 6/10
Remaining Debt: £44,052.03
Food Log
Breakfast: Weetabix, milk, orange juice
Lunch: Scrambled eggs, sourdough toast
Dinner: Macaroni cheese, salad
Snacks: Banana
All in all, it was a bit of a weird day, one filled with a bit of frustration and apprehension, but definitely some positives to take with an improved time on my run and some much needed quality time with friends.
After the highs of Day 1 and the lows of Day 2, Day 3 was a much more level day by all accounts.
We have a bit of a tradition on a Friday afternoon at my parents’ house where we walk to the local brewery and catch up on the week’s events over a few pints. Despite it being Friday and me having a fairly positive week at work, and more importantly a good week in the sense that I didn’t give in to any impulsive spending, I decided to walk to The Mountain Ahead after I finished work and let my parents go to the brewery without me.
It still baffles me how I can find the willpower to go on a wet and windy 7km walk rather than walk to the brewery just around the corner, when less than a month ago I couldn’t find the same control to stop spending £300 a day on things I didn’t need.
So much of what we do, whether it’s pushing ourselves to be disciplined with exercise, eating well, or trying to improve, or giving in to the temptation of alcohol, gambling, or an easy lifestyle, all comes down to willpower.
On another positive note, during today’s walk I decided to listen to a podcast instead of music. It was called “How to Get Out of Debt the FAST WAY.” Most of it covered things I already knew like the avalanche and snowball methods, but it was still motivating to listen to.
There’s a quote I heard a few years back that has stuck with me: “You are what you consume.” It’s true not just in terms of food, but also the media we take in. Constantly listening to sad or negative content isn’t going to lift you up. Filling your head with positive, motivating podcasts or upbeat music can only make you think more clearly and act with purpose.
I’ll link the podcast below, as it’s a great listen, especially for anyone at the start of their debt-free journey.
After returning from my walk, family arrived for the weekend. Rather than joining in with the welcome drinks, I had a mint tea and went upstairs for an early night.
The fact I didn’t have an alcoholic drink today was a huge win, especially when there was plenty of temptation. The real test will be tomorrow when I meet friends at the pub to watch the football. I’m not saying I won’t drink, but limiting myself to one day a week already feels like a big step forward.
Snacks: Banana, apple, Graze flapjack bar, mint choc chip ice cream (it was a Friday after all!)
I don’t say this enough, but I was genuinely proud of myself today. I overcame some willpower struggles and made positive choices. On to the next page.
Well, after such a positive Day 1, Day 2 certainly wasn’t quite as smooth.
I still managed to hit my core commitments. I ate well, I completed my daily exercise to The Mountain Ahead (this time a run), and work was okay. However, by the afternoon, I felt intensely distracted. That distraction came from some difficult reflection on the past 12 months.
Hopefully my pace will improve over the comings weeks and months!
It’s still incredibly hard to wrap my head around the rollercoaster of the past year. Day 2 quickly became a day filled with raw emotion, especially when thinking about the position I’ve found myself in and the relationships I’ve damaged along the way.
It actually got me wondering why we, as humans, cry when we’re sad. After a little research, I found that we cry because it’s a self-soothing mechanism that helps relieve emotional pressure by releasing feel-good hormones. So tears aren’t necessarily a bad thing and ultimately, I knew that already, but sometimes, it’s nice to explore the science behind things!
Overcoming the emotion and staying strong in my routine was the most important focus. Even on a bad mental health day, I can still execute the plan – hopefully I can maintain this mindset.
Metrics
Steps: 10,146
Garmin Stress Score: 29
Mental Health Rating: 3/10
Remaining Debt: £44,052.03
Food Log
Breakfast: Weetabix, milk, orange juice
Lunch: Bean stew
Dinner: Orzo and tomato bake with feta
Snacks: Dried apricots, Graze flapjack bar
Over the past two days, I’ve seen what I suppose will be the inevitable peaks and troughs of the next 363 pages. But the goal remains the same: to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to keep turning the page.
They say “the first step is the hardest,” but honestly, if that’s the case, the next 364 days should be a breeze.
Day 1 was a clear, positive step in the right direction. While it was a standard working Wednesday by any measure, it was productive. Work was efficient, I posted a few things I sold on eBay, ate fairly healthy and I maintained a positive attitude throughout the day.
Crucially, I completed my 7km walk to The Mountain Ahead, officially marking the first instalment of my new daily routine.
The air was crisp, the route familiar, but this time it felt different, like I was finally moving toward something instead of away from it. Mentally, I felt strong and steady
I turned up, got the job done, and put down one solid page in the novel.
Metrics
Steps: 10,777
Garmin Stress Score: 33
Mental Health Rating: 8/10
Remaining Debt: £44,052.03
Food Log
Breakfast: Weetabix, milk, orange juice
Lunch: Vegetable biryani, naan bread
Dinner: Lentil & vegetable hotpot with a giant Yorkshire pudding
Snacks: Dried apricots, Graze flapjack bar
Overall, there’s not too much to say. I turned up, got the job done and it’s onto the next one. Let’s hope the positivity remains throughout the next 12 months!
Yesterday, I outlined my plan to improve my life by taking things day by day and journaling it here. I’ve mentioned my struggles with mental health before, but I thought now would be a good opportunity to recap things and outline the journey ahead over the next 12 months.
So, where did it all begin?
The first real indication of my struggles can be traced back to the night of my 18th birthday. Like most 18-year-olds, I had a bit of an emotional drunk breakdown – if I remember correctly, over the lack of direction and clarity about what I wanted to do in the future.
That uncertainty stuck with me through college and into the working world. My mental health ebbed and flowed over the years, a series of peaks and troughs that often coincided with major life events. In all honesty, during that time, my mental ill-health was manageable; the world didn’t feel so dark.
That was until October 2019, when I reached one of the darkest points in my life and tried to end it. It still feels strange to think about now – I’d just come back from one of the best trips I’ve ever had in Canada and had holidays to both Disneyland Paris and Walt Disney World planned. That whole period became a blur. And not long after, the pandemic began.
Me at the Athabasca Glacier in Canada circa 2019. One of the best adventures ever!
For the most part, the novelty of the pandemic soon wore off, and in the latter half of 2021, I began to experience the heavy, lingering symptoms of clinical depression. I sought professional help, starting both therapy and antidepressants, but found neither to be particularly beneficial and eventually stopped.
My mental health again ebbed and flowed, this time more dramatically, until things took a severe nosedive toward the end of 2024.
What had been a stressful year of selling a house and unemployment quickly spiralled into self-sabotage. Gambling had always been a minor issue, but it surged to the point where I was staking thousands of pounds a day. Over the space of two and a half months, I managed to wager more than £97,000 across various betting sites.
Alongside that, I also developed a compulsive buying habit. What had been a profitable house sale has quickly turned into nearly £45,000 worth of debt in just 12 months.
Of course, my mental health worsened even more. My physical health is at an all-time low. I’ve ruined relationships, lied, hurt people, and lost sight of what’s important.
This is where I am now, at the time of writing:
Debt: £44,052.03 Weight: 107kg BMI: 30.3 Average sleep: 6 hours 40 minutes Alcohol consumption: 3/4 days per week Average steps per day: 10,246 Average weekly stress score: 36
NOTE: Sleep, stress, and steps data are based on my Garmin watch over the past 12 months. Stress scores reflect Garmin’s daily stress metric, where higher numbers indicate greater stress.
On paper, my goals for the next 365 days are simple enough: pay off as much debt as possible, improve my physical health, fix relationships, and above all, rebuild my mental health along the way.
It’s not all doom and gloom, though. I’ve made some good progress in the past few weeks. I’ve started a new job that’s going well so far. I’ve listed a number of the things I’ve bought over the past year on eBay. And this week, I’ve started a bit of a fitness plan.
In fact, there’s a hill not far from where I live that I’ve called The Mountain Ahead. It represents both the physical mountain and the mental mountain I have to climb over the next year. My plan is to climb it every day, no matter the weather.
It’s going to take time. It’s going to take effort. But for the first time in a long time, I’m ready to climb.
The view from ‘The Mountain Ahead’ or as it’s actually known, The Old Pale!
The Modern Day Caveman 